What to Bring to a Shiva

When attending a shiva, bringing something appropriate is a meaningful way to express your condolences and support the mourning family. This guide will help you understand what items are traditionally appreciated and appropriate to bring to a shiva house.

Food and Meals

Providing food is one of the most traditional and practical ways to support mourners who are not supposed to prepare their own meals during shiva.

Complete Meals

Bringing a complete meal is particularly helpful, especially: - Dishes that can be easily reheated - Foods that can be served at room temperature - Items that can be frozen for later use

Consider dietary restrictions - many Jewish homes observe kosher dietary laws, so if you're uncertain, opt for: - Fresh fruit platters - Vegetarian dishes - Foods with kosher certification

Specific Food Items

Traditional food items often brought to shiva include:

Breakfast items: - Bagels and cream cheese - Fruit platters - Pastries and baked goods

Lunch and dinner options: - Deli platters - Casseroles - Roasted chicken - Brisket - Kugel (noodle or potato pudding)

Desserts and snacks: - Cookies and cakes - Nuts and dried fruits - Chocolate and candy

Beverages

Don't forget that drinks are also important: - Coffee and tea - Fruit juices - Soft drinks - Wine (for those who partake)

Practical Items

Beyond food, practical items can be extremely helpful to a household receiving many visitors:

Paper goods (plates, cups, napkins, utensils)
Paper towels and tissues
Toilet paper
Trash bags
Coffee, tea, and related supplies

Memorial Items

Some visitors prefer to bring items that honor the memory of the deceased:

Charitable donations in the name of the deceased
Memorial candles
Books of poetry, prayers, or inspiration
Plants or trees planted in Israel (certificates)

Sympathy Cards and Notes

A thoughtful card with a personal message is always appropriate and meaningful: - Share specific memories of the deceased - Avoid clichés like "they're in a better place" - Offer specific help rather than just saying "call if you need anything"

Financial Contributions

In some communities, it's customary to make financial contributions:

Donations to the family's designated charity
Contributions to the synagogue or Jewish organization
Gift cards for meals, groceries, or household needs

Items to Avoid

Some items may not be appropriate for a shiva visit:

Flowers (not traditionally given for Jewish mourning, though practices vary)
Strongly scented items
Noisy or attention-drawing gifts
Overly cheerful decorative items
Gifts that require significant attention or care

Coordinating with Others

Before bringing food or other items, consider:

Checking if there's a meal coordination schedule
Asking what has already been provided
Inquiring about timing (when food might be most needed)
Learning about specific needs or preferences

Presentation

How you present what you bring is also important:

Label dishes with contents and any reheating instructions
Use disposable containers that don't need to be returned
Include your name so the family knows who provided the item
Consider timing your delivery to avoid overwhelming the family

Cultural Variations

Jewish communities have diverse practices based on their heritage:

Sephardic Jews (Mediterranean, Middle Eastern, North African descent) may have different food traditions
Ashkenazi Jews (Eastern European descent) often bring traditional foods like kugel or brisket
Reformed or secular Jewish families may have adapted or personalized customs

Conclusion

The most important aspect of your shiva visit isn't what you bring, but your presence and support. If you're unable to bring anything, don't let that keep you from attending. Your condolences and companionship are what truly matter to those in mourning.